Characters: Samantha Carter on Daniel Jackson and Jacob Carter
ESRB Rating: Everyone 15+
Spoilers: Season 8, post Threads
Themes: Character Deaths, Angst, Maudlin Behavior
Theme Song: Hallelujah, by Leonard Cohen, preformed by Rufus Wainwright
Prompt: posted by Fairyglass
Challenge 004 :: Theme Songs
Has a song really ever struck you as being “just so Daniel”? The lyrics, the melody, the beat - something that really captures a quality, a moment, of Daniel Jackson for you. Or maybe it’s a team mate, flipping through their CD collection and come across something in a way they’ve never pieced together before.
This week, think of those songs and let them inspire you to put all that into words. It’s like a fan mix tape of one, for one.
Written: April 5-6th, 2006
Sam knows she shouldn’t be doing this. That it’s maudlin and self destructive - and that neither her father or Daniel would want her to be like this. But she can’t help it, not just yet. In a moment she’ll take back her composure, pull the mantle of “Officer” back over her shoulders just so she can make it through these next few days. But for now, right now, she’s just going to indulge this dark mood of hers for a bit longer.
The glass of wine in her hand is long warm and barely touched. In her other hand is the remote to her CD player and she skips the song back three point six seconds. Sam has been listening to the exact same stanza for the last two hours.
I did my best, it wasn’t much,
I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch.
I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong,
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song,
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah.
She doesn’t know what it is exactly about this song that’s always made her think of Daniel. He isn’t particularly religious. She isn’t particularly religious, though this part is more about strength of conviction then any sort of belief system, and that is very Daniel. Daniel is so… was so….
Just what the hell tense is she supposed to be using? Her thumb holds the ‘back’ button for three point six seconds. You expect to outlive your parents. Sometimes they go before you’re really ready, but it’s still the natural order of things. But you never expect to out live your…. Sam struggles over the word ‘friend’. Because it isn’t enough. Neither is ‘family’. You never expect to outlive your Daniel Jackson. Even if this is for the second time and that spring of hope is welling eternal despite your best efforts to remain realistic.
The song may be Daniel’s, but Sam has long stopped playing it for him. She’s playing it for herself now. Sam has played the last three point six seconds so many times they’re no longer words to her ears, just a cadence and pattern she’s come to rely on. They remind her to breathe. To exist.
She did her best, but turns out it wasn’t much. It was Ba’al and her father, mostly.
Pete bought her a house. Sam isn’t ready for a house. Sam isn’t ready for Pete. She can no longer feel and there’s no one to touch.
Technically they won. They defeated the Replicators once and for all, the Jaffa have claimed Dakara as their own. But where it… mattered. To her. It all went wrong. She’s lost both her father and Daniel.
She did her best, but was it enough? She thinks it was. It was everything she had, all she could give. But was there something more she could have done? Or something different? Or will some cosmic Lord of Song find her wanting and keep Daniel for his own instead. Can Daniel find his way back home again? Is that even possible? But what isn’t possible anymore. She doesn’t know. Sam just doesn’t know anymore.
Her thumb depresses the remote control’s button for three point six seconds.
LJ Comments . :: . Leave a Comment